Who Gets the Kids? Understanding Child Arrangements After Separation
When parents separate, deciding who children will live with and how they’ll spend time with each parent can be emotionally challenging. This guide explains how child arrangements work under English law.
Child arrangements: the basics
“Child arrangements” is the legal term for decisions about:
- Where your children will live
- How much time they spend with each parent
- How they maintain relationships with both parents
The law focuses on what’s best for your children, not what’s fair for the parents. Courts consider the child’s welfare as the paramount consideration.
Agreeing arrangements without court
Most separated parents make child arrangements without going to court. This can be:
- Informally between yourselves
- Through mediation sessions
- With help from solicitors
These agreements aren’t legally binding but work well if parents can cooperate. If your situation is amicable, this approach is usually quicker, cheaper, and less stressful for everyone, especially the children.
When you can’t agree: Child Arrangements Orders
If you can’t reach an agreement, either parent can apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order. This legally binding order specifies:
- Who the child lives with
- When the child spends time with each parent
- Other specific arrangements like holiday contact
The court process explained
- Attend a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) – Before court, you must usually attend this meeting to see if mediation could work instead
- Submit application – If mediation isn’t suitable, you can apply for a Child Arrangements Order
- First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment (FHDRA) – An initial hearing where a judge assesses the case
- Cafcass involvement – The Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service may interview parents and sometimes children
- Further hearings – More complex cases may need additional hearings
- Final hearing – If no agreement is reached earlier, a judge makes the final decision
This process typically takes 6–12 months, depending on court waiting times and case complexity.
What does the court consider?
When making decisions, courts use the “welfare checklist” from the Children Act 1989, including:
- The child’s wishes and feelings (considered in light of their age and understanding)
- The child’s physical, emotional, and educational needs
- The likely effect of any change in circumstances
- The child’s age, background, and any relevant characteristics
- Any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering
- The capability of each parent to meet the child’s needs
The court presumes that involvement of both parents in a child’s life is beneficial unless there’s evidence to the contrary.
Special situations
Domestic abuse concerns
If there are allegations of domestic abuse, the court will conduct a fact-finding hearing to determine if the allegations are true. If proven, contact may be restricted or supervised.
Moving away with children
If you want to relocate with your children within the UK (“internal relocation”), you need the other parent’s consent or court permission.
For international relocation, stricter rules apply – removing a child from the UK without appropriate consent is a criminal offense.
When one parent refuses contact
Courts take a strong view that children should usually have contact with both parents. If a parent with whom the child lives refuses to comply with an order, the court has enforcement powers, including:
- Requiring unpaid work
- Compensation for financial loss
- In extreme cases, change of residence
Changing arrangements as children grow
Child arrangements aren’t set in stone. As children grow older, their needs change, and orders can be varied. Either parent can apply to change an order if:
- There’s been a significant change in circumstances
- The current arrangements aren’t working
Supporting children through the process
However arrangements are decided, children need support. Consider:
- Keeping conflict away from children
- Not criticizing the other parent in front of children
- Maintaining routines where possible
- Reassuring children they are loved by both parents
- Consider family counseling or support services
Disclaimer
This article provides general information about child arrangement law in England and Wales as of April 2025. It is not legal advice, and family laws can change. Your individual circumstances may affect how the law applies to your situation.
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